Online course: Be your real INFJ self without feeling frustrated
This course includes four days of video sessions and email-based course materials. You can purchase this course for anytime, on-demand access. The cost is 5.
The person I spend more time with than anyone else right now is Carla. She is an INFJ. And, I confess, I said I’d never work with an INFJ, because they are too hard to manage. But I retract everything after working closely with one.
I met Carla when I was interviewing for someone to help me in my garden and the biggest qualification was that they didn’t talk to me.
Carla was fine with that. She wanted time to think. Gardening in peace and quiet was a good job for her.
Except that I started talking to her.
It started out just little conversations. Like, I bought a spaceship for the garden. I asked her if she liked it. She said it would look like a stepping stone without the frogs that seem to have come out of the ship.
She was right. Who knew she was an expert on garden spaceships? So she became my garden editor. I asked her if the chairs are good. She said, “Be careful not to junk up the garden. I can see you might have a tendency to do that.”
She was right. So I told the boys no storing their swords in the hydrangeas.
When I decided to hire a driver, the only person I could imagine sitting next to all day was Carla. She knows a little about everything, she is curious about everything, and she has no problem being quiet for hours if I want to work in the car.
I used to think INFJs were impossible to work with because they absolutely will not do something that doesn’t line up with their values. But working with Carla made me appreciate that. Because first of all, if anyone has a tenuous grasp on their own values, it’s me, an ENTJ. So Carla is a good role model for me.
But also, maybe because INFJshave an uncanny ability to see how things should be, probably because they spend more time than most people noodling and thinking about the nuances of a given situation. The upside is that driving around with Carla is like sitting next to a lie detector—nothing gets past her. The downside of this superpower is that INFJs are shocked to know that other people don’t see it that way.
The obviousness of the truth frustrates the most. We will work in this course to leverage that truth-seeing ability to create positive impact rather than frustration. . And here’s the course plan:
Day One: Relationships: How to cultivate and care for important relationships
1. Learn to find someone’s type very quickly using your natural intuition about people. Knowing others’ types will help you craft realistic expectations for each person in your life.
More than any other type, an INFJ is able to treat each person differently depending on their individual needs and personality. Which means that an INFJ needs to know what someone’s strengths and weaknesses are so the INFJ does not demand too much from that person.
You will find that it’s freeing to not expect things of people they are not capable of delivering.
2. Choose the most meaningful friendships. No one understands you 100% so find people who can reliably connect with you on different aspects of your thinking. Find people who understand different parts of you and avoid expecting or even demanding more from them than what they can give.
3. Cultivate the ideal family. We’ll talk about who to marry (don’t marry someone who is emotionally needy—you’re an F, but notthatkind of F!) and how to get along with family members (just because you can see clearly what they should be doing doesn’t mean they want you to tell them.)
Day Two: Parenting. How to raise ethical and productive kids.
1. Leverage your parenting superpower. An INFJ is being the best parent when they leverage their ability to see someone’s needs. An INFJ can see someone’s inner truth much more readily than other types can, and parenting is the time that this skill is most valuable to use.
2. Learn the three most important things for introverted parents to know. But we’ll also talk about why those things are different for an INFJ because unlike other introverts, the emotional intelligence of INFJs is very highs, and that’s a trait you can really rely on in parenting.
3. Get good at giving yourself time alone without feeling guilty. It’s imperative that you are able to take time to think—thinking time is a big part of what makes you who you are. And all the traits that make you great in relationships require you to have a lot of alone time to process information.
Day Three: Career. Find a workplace that is consistent with your values.
1. Find your most natural fit at the office. INFJs are very, very good managers. INFJs bring the unique combination of the ability to get things done with the ability to create fulfilling environments for their direct reports.
2. Learn to pick organizations that fit. INFJshave a hard time finding work they like because, for the most part, employers pay employees to operate under a set of values that is not their own, but an is not able to do that easily—it’s ethically unsound from anINFJ’s perspective.
So while an makes a great manager, when the dislikes the values senior management brings to the table, the INFJs are unable to represent that as a manager. It’s an conundrum: very competent but competent in a system they likely hate, or at least deeply disrespect.
3. Make solid plans. In this session we will make a plan for creating a work environment that is consistent with your values, and, when that environment feels hopeless, we will create an exit plan that you can use—as many times as you need to—to get a new job more consistent with who you are and what you have to offer.
Day Four: Question and Answer
You can ask any question and you’ll get an answer tailored for your type.
I told Carla about the course and, while she is normally wary of all my sales tactics, she said, “I would take this course just to meet another INFJ. I’m not sure I’ve met another in my whole life.”
This makes sense because INFJs are the rarest of all types. So I want to also add that the INTJ course led to a very vibrant Facebook group. So I’m sure the same thing will happen with the INFJs. And, maybe Carla will even be there.
Video: INFJs - Be That Person Your Younger Self Needed
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