Into the eyes of meanness. How to keep balance after impact?

“How are you?” - the display lit up with a message.

"It's not as strong as I thought, but it's not as weak as I think," I write in jest and understand that like that, without realizing it, I marked what is really happening to me. I really could not walk along the rope of the meanness of meanness beautifully, keeping my composure and treating everything philosophically neutral. In some places, it shook me like a fishing vessel on a three-meter wave, but still I managed to maintain balance and even, though not painlessly for myself, destroy a couple of generally accepted stereotypes, and this is always a good sign.

What do we know about meanness?

In spite of our long-suffering human share, which an adherent of truth — about despicableness, that is, harming through malicious intent — 2 years ago already branded 2,000 years ago, we know very little from personal experience.

It is tempting to mix this concept with treachery, which, on the contrary,occurs in life quite often, and declare an unceasing disintegration of the human spirit, but a more attentive and impartial view will tell you the difference. Betrayal is based on the blindness of the egoistic nature of man - someone so eager for personal happiness, comfort and prosperity, which is ready to infringe the interests of sometimes the closest people. But still, the other person is not the target of the actions of the betrayer. The motive is only its own benefit in the variety of its forms. Yes, it is disgusting. And it is very painful for the injured party, but, I emphasize, there is no desire in this to cause direct harm to another being, there is only a desire for personal gain, pleasure, comfort, and bright emotions.

Meanness is worse. It has intent towards you specifically. And immunity in such situations is completely undeveloped. Very much, we are not ready for the fact that people can consciously wish pain to another being, and not just be callous and mercantile.

I have never lived in hothouse conditions, I have also faced problems in the children's team, and with conflicts in my own family, there were some misunderstandings and even dislike at work,but it all turned out to be flowers when in one of the work teams one of the heads of the department did not personally like me. As a person. Whether envy, or jealousy, or competition, or naked evil soul ...

Gossip behind his back, demonstration of neglect in the face, incitement. As in an aggressive adolescent team, with the only difference being that we were adults and occupied responsible positions. I remember how I was deliberately given the wrong information so that I was late for an important event and was not ready in front of the whole team. The participants of the plan frankly laughed at the sight of my bewildered eyes.

Shock paralyzed me. I had no idea that it so happens that I could neither resist, nor somehow react, nor work. I was tormented by thoughts of how this is possible and why. It was as if my energy had blocked off, and instead of the usual fountain of actions, I squeezed the crumbs of affairs out of me, constantly making mistakes and only giving a reason for certain people to confirm their case.

Then I could not stand it, and six months later I was no longer in this company. The questions: “How is this possible?” And “For what?” Unscrewed me from the inside.I still did not know that the answers to them can not be sought in any case.

Not to say that the second time, faced with a blow of ill will, when the facts turn inside out and mixed with blatant lies, pouring it all on personal insults both in my address and in the direction of people close to me and adding even direct threats, I was ready to the fact that people are capable of it. But this time I did not give shock to immobilize me, did not ask myself destructive questions and, under attacks on the world created by me with such difficulty, developed a set of personal rules when confronted with the dark side of human natures.

How to maintain psychological balance in the most difficult life situations?

1. Yes, baby! This is happening to you.

All of these: “For what?”, “Why?” And “How can this be with me?” Take us away from internal balance to an inaccessible distance. They, like barriers, tightly close a person from reality, which says only one thing: this is happening to you. Already. It all happened.

Attempting to explain what you don’t like (you don’t aspire to explain every pleasant event, eh?), Most often a veiled denial that a person doesn’t even realize.And the denial of reality is always a loss of energy. That is the law.

These questions paralyze the will, loosen from the inside, demanding answers and forcing you to think that you must find them. Then how can you just give up. No, not from the answers. From the questions themselves. And in the answers there is no need.

By accepting reality, rather than trying to shove it into a framework that is understandable for us personally, we return our balance and get an influx of forces. We have the opportunity to interact with what is happening, and not to wander in thought forms, consoling ourselves with regular conclusions. It’s still impossible to change anything, but you can restore the energy balance due to harmony with the current moment, no matter how unpleasant it may be.

2. Nightmare on a platter

I have been using the technique of working with my main nightmare for a long time, it helps me a lot when I have important life transitions, when I need to take a decisive step that provokes a lot of fears. At such a moment, you sit back and appeal to your main nightmare. Well, what is the worst thing that can happen if you quit? Or open your own business? Or will you divorce? Or do you travel alone for six months in Asia? By the way, this year is the 10th anniversary, as I did.

Bankrupt? Loneliness? Do not get a job? Children? Lack of children? Disease?

You take the main fear of a particular situation and answer the question: what will you do with it if it does happen anyway? Calmly develop a plan of action. You look at the problem at an angle: "So what?"

So I went through stories with the fact that I will not succeed in my ideas and livelihood will end or, for example, that I will never meet a congenial man and will live alone. This is the practice of a balanced encounter with your fierce fear and living it through a plan of action. After all, our heart-rending nightmare is only what we are running from and what we are afraid to allow. And then you sit down, and again you take this cherished word. You decide what you will do in this case. This practice is conducted alone, with a serious attitude and only once, so as not to accidentally go into the area of ​​paranoia.

In a meanness situation there is always an aspect of manipulating your fears. Instead of “fighting”, proving to yourself and the attacker that you will not take you with your bare hands, just live your own fears generated by the situation.They are trying to hook you on the sick and are waiting for defensive actions, help this person - hook yourself. Get all your fears out of your belly and let it be. Decide what you will do. For each question. Alternately. Fears are melting away from interacting with them.

3. Double sport. Or at least half ...

The fact that, with strong energetic energies, it is necessary to bump into sport, is a well known fact. I personally know people who didn’t allow themselves to fall in situations of psychological attacks on their lives by watch jogging or intensive yoga. But in my case, the increase in sports loads did not work, the body fell into such weakness that it refused even to the classical standard, which I have already quite low. Having given myself a break, I went to the trick - reduced my load to the nominal, but began to appear in the gym as often as possible. You start not so much from sports as from mental switching, which allows you to get stronger and increase the load over time.

Such natures as I, whose pulse jumps to the limit from intense emotions and from whom the temperature can even rise from falling in love, it is extremely important to “ground” your charge with physical activity.Difficult emotional situations for us are simply unsolvable in the mind, no matter how clearly we all understand and however well we reason.

I can also recommend at least 5 or 10 minutes of continuous running per day to those who are in a situation of emotional exhaustion and far from sports. We need to start somewhere. Let it be even so small, but a regular action. The strongest natures should be increased. The task is to literally melt your pain, indignation, the very questions, aggression, anger, anxiety and fear through movement.

4. Be strong - let yourself be weak

There was an episode in my life when I intuitively, never before holding books on psychological adjustment, helped myself not to slip into the pit of depression after breaking up. I was able to otrefleksirovat hysterical condition and gave myself a day of complete, boundless grief and self-pity, promising that the next will not shed tears. And it worked.

I was 21 years old. The first long relationship, which seemed to be the love of all life and in general of all life, unexpectedly came to an end. I was suddenly told: “Everything”, whereas in my picture of the world nothing foretold it.

I collected things with trembling hands, trembling back home and bursting into such flammable tears that it pierced me: "How long will I leave this?" After all, I knew my friends who could not recover from the fact that they were thrown for months. And then I made a rather strange decision, no one told me, I never heard of it - it appeared from the air, and I trusted - I allowed myself not to hold back, cry, sob, wail, remember good and remember bad, how much effort is enough . But only one day. With the thought that the next one - it will all end. There will be a new life and new plans. I kept my word.

The days of controlled permissible weakness greatly help in this weakness not to hang. Do not multiply it on your everyday life, pretending that nothing is happening, and breaking away for any reason, but to give your body and emotions time for a storm, grief, fears, unrest. Spilling out to the bottom, you are discharged and able to act more calmly. And you have the opportunity to affectionately explain to yourself that the time for tears has already been, it's time to act and, loving, to win.