How to deal with child aggression?
Sooner or later, every parent has to deal with child aggression, no matter how hard he tries, putting all his strength into raising a child. Even the most calm and balanced angel, to whom everyone around them did what they admired, on one “beautiful” day can show itself from a completely different side.
Educators or teachers are increasingly expressing their complaints about the behavior of your child, yard moms are trying to protect their children from communicating with your child, and you began to notice that cope with a pet sometimes difficult? Perhaps it's time to think about child aggression.
No need to think that aggression is something foreign, just the opposite, it is a natural reaction of the psyche that allows a person to throw out the accumulated negative emotions.
And children are no exception, just like adults, they may experience anger and anger, which translate into aggression and, most often, uncontrollable, because at their age they have not yet learned or have not fully learned to cope with their feelings.
If the child suddenly became aggressive, then, most likely, something bothers him, perhaps this is a real cry from the heart, an attempt to attract parents to him and his problem.
Many parents prefer to immediately go to the stage of re-education: how to deal with child aggression? But before moving on to active methods or, even worse, trying to scold and punish a child for his outbursts of anger, it is very important to figure out why he does this?
For aggressive behavior can be completely different reasons, and therefore act in different situations, it may be worth in different ways.
Why did the child become aggressive?
- The most important reason that psychologists most often single out when studying the aggressive behavior of children remains the lack of parental warmth, love and attention. When a child ceases to feel all this in the proper quantity, he begins to remind himself in any way possible, and, as is well known, it is precisely the whims, fights and tears that can be “heard” best of all.
- When there is discord in the family, it is primarily reflected in the child, who begins to project home quarrels on others.Remember that children, in many respects, copy their parents, and therefore, seeing how “communication” takes place at home, begins to form a certain pattern of behavior for itself.
- Sometimes we ourselves do not think about how we behave with our own child. Often, when a feeling of aggression arises after incorrect criticism from parents, derogatory remarks in the circle of outsiders. Just think, what kind of reaction would an adult have to such a situation? And the child is the same person, in many ways, formed and with a sense of self-esteem. That is why we remember - we encourage people, and we criticize only at home.
- The age criterion plays a significant role here. Psychologists distinguish several periods of crisis, when outbursts of anger and anger are actually necessary formation of personality and independence. These periods include the age of 3-4, 6-7 and 12-14 years. Naturally, aggression at different ages will manifest itself in different ways.
- We must not forget about hyperactivity, which today is peculiar to many children. Energy, which literally bubbles inside, must necessarily have an outlet,and when such a child constantly encounters only prohibitions, failures and punishments, he begins to accumulate internal discomfort, which, as a result, results in aggressive outbursts.
- Have you ever thought how much time your child spends in front of the TV or watching video games? Cruelty and continuous aggression literally flips over the edge there, and the child, plunging into the process, ceases to distinguish between what is good and what is bad: he simply starts repeating what he sees on the screen at school, kindergarten or with friends on the street. The consequences of such addictions and addictions can be most serious.
- Older children may respond to too high demands (for study, appearance, success) or situational failure. The fault can serve as low self-esteem.
How to beat aggression?
Even if you have figured out the cause and are now trying to work on its elimination, child aggression cannot always disappear at one moment, as at the behest of a magic wand. It takes time and, of course, the correct behavior of the parents. What to do to reduce the next outbursts of anger and, preferably, soon and completely forget about such a problem?
- Let your child feel how much he is loved and cherished. Love should be felt in any situation - even when the mother came tired from work, and even when the child again did something or messed up: punishment is punishment, but the love from it did not disappear anywhere! And the child should feel it.
- Set the right example - communicate with others politely and kindly, control your own aggression, with which, in many respects, your child takes an example.
- Too active kids need to find a way to throw out their energy. For example, write them down in a boxing or karate section, send them to a dance or athletics, in general, where after training there isn’t that much strength left for further activity.
- Talk to the child, explain that anger and anger are negative emotions, which, of course, need to be released, but in acceptable ways, for example, express dissatisfaction with words or draw an appropriate figure. Explain the connection of the act and the consequences to which it can lead: if he hits the boy and takes the toy from him, in the end, no one wants to play with him. Do you really think that's good?
- If you see that a child has had another firework of emotions that spills out with shouts, anger or even fists, then just try to hug him and pull him close. For a child, this will mean that you accept him, and also are able to withstand his aggression and contribute to its reduction. Over time, he will calm down, and you can calmly talk about what happened.
- Establish certain rules that must be observed by both the child and the parent. For example, the same punishment should follow the same offense, the degree of which will not depend on your minute state of mind. The system of restrictions and rules of life should be stable, which will affect the balance of the child's inner world. It is completely wrong to punish a child for disobedience today, and tomorrow, in view of your good mood, and not at all pay any attention to it.