How to Deal With Asking out and Being Rejected by a Girl
Getting rejected is a normal part of dating that everyone experiences at some point. Though you may feel incredibly hurt or embarrassed after it happens, there are a number of things you can do to work through your rejection and get back into the dating game.
Asking Your Crush Out Without Expectations
Remind yourself that she could say either yes or no.When asking a girl out, remember that she has the right to say “no” for any reason at all, just like you have the right to say “no” when somebody asks you out. Remind yourself to stay calm if she says no.
Remind yourself that rejection happens to everyone.Rejection is an unavoidable part of the dating game. It’s something that everybody deals with and, if you want to go out with someone, you’ll have to face the possibility that they might say no. Before asking a girl out, remind yourself that:
- Rejection is a normal part of life.
- Everybody gets rejected from time to time.
- Getting rejected is not a personal failure.
Ask her out as clearly as you can.When you’re ready, approach your crush with confidence and ask her to go on a date with you. Make sure she knows that you're asking her out for romantic reasons and not as a friend. There’s no need for cheesy pickup lines or creative proposals, just be as honest and genuine as possible about how you feel.
- If possible, ask your crush out on a specific date. For example, ask “Do you want to go to a movie?” instead of “Do you want to hang out?”
- Even if you’re scared, try not to procrastinate. Doing so will make you more nervous about the possibility of rejection.
Accept your crush’s answer.If your crush says “no,” don't ask her to reconsider by saying things like "Are you sure?" Instead, accept the decision she made. By doing so, you’ll maintain her respect and earn some closure for yourself.
- If she says no, say something like, "Ok, thanks for telling me" or "Cool, I hope we can still be friends."
- If your crush is mean to you or tries to embarrass you after you ask her out, it’s a sign of her own personal insecurities. End the conversation politely and get out of there.
Coping with Rejection
Remember that rejection is not a personal attack.In most cases, romantic rejection is not a criticism of your character. If a girl decides she doesn't want to date you, it doesn't mean she dislikes you or even finds you unattractive. Though every instance of rejection is different, the common thread is that "you" are not rejected. Rather, your request to date is.
Give yourself time to grieve.After the rejection, don’t be afraid to feel any emotions that come your way. Sadness, anger, fear, and similar feelings are all natural parts of rejection, and working through them now will make it far easier to move on in the future.
- Don’t be afraid to cry or scream when you're alone.
- If you can, talk through your feelings with a close friend, family member, or therapist. Sharing your emotions with a supportive, understanding person can make a huge difference in your mental well-being.
Think about why she said no.Though returning to the rejection may hurt, doing so after grieving can help you better understand what happened and gain some closure. If you believe your crush said no because she dislikes something about you, think about whether it is something you should change or if it is a simple matter of preference. In addition, remember that there are plenty of reasons she might have said no that aren’t related to you, such as:
- She is too busy to date.
- She has a different sexual orientation than you.
- She is working through personal or emotional issues.
- She already has a significant other.
- She has a crush on someone else.
- She enjoys being single.
Be kind to your crush even if things feel awkward.If your crush is someone you see a lot, it's normal to experience some awkwardness after a rejection. Over time, you and your crush’s nerves will cool down and your normal friendship can resume. Until then, try to be as kind, friendly, and polite to your crush as you can.
- Say "hi" when you see her.
- Smile and ask how she is if you're nearby.
- Just treat her like a friend and eventually you'll feel better around one another.
Moving Forward after a Rejection
Spend time with other people.A rejection can be a blessing in disguise if it helps you find happiness in other people's company. To get out of your rejection funk, spend quality time with friends and go to social events you normally wouldn't. If you’re feeling up to it, ask a different crush out or go on a blind date.
- While pursuing new relationships, you may find someone you like even more than your previous crush.
Keep yourself busy by pursuing personal interests.To start off, try picking up a brand new hobby or an old pastime that you haven’t touched in a while. If that isn’t enough to take your mind off things, try setting a personal goal you want to achieve. The busier you are, the easier time you’ll have getting over the rejection. Some major goals you can occupy yourself with include:
- Training to participate in a 5K or other athletic event.
- Creating a work of art like a short story, a painting, or even a short film or skit.
- Learning an entirely new skill like cooking or woodworking.
Ask your crush again if you think her feelings have changed.Even if a girl rejects you once, you may still be able to date her in the future. After the initial rejection, give your crush as much personal space as she needs and try to be a good friend. If you and her grow closer, or if she starts flirting with you, consider asking her out again.
- Though it may work in the movies, relentlessly pursuing a girl even after she says “no” comes off as creepy and incredibly disrespectful.
QuestionWhat do you do when the girl rejects you and then goes on to say hurtful things? This has happened to me more than once...
Clinical Social WorkerClinical Social WorkerExpert AnswerIf a girl feels the need to say hurtful things, walk away. It may be hard to see it, but this is less about you personally and more a sign of her own issues. Go talk to a friend or family member and focus on turning your attention somewhere else.Thanks!
QuestionWhat do I do if I constantly meet nice women like me that are already in relationships?
Clinical Social WorkerClinical Social WorkerExpert AnswerThis can be frustrating, but remember that everyone won't always be in a relationship! Try to subtly find out the person's relationship status before asking them out, to avoid being rejected. Listen closely to what they say; people in a relationship will often talk about their partner casually, making this clue easy to miss.Thanks!
QuestionI proposed to my crush through her friend and she said no. What should I do?Matthew HesterCommunity AnswerIf you think your crush said "no" because you didn't ask her directly, try approaching her and popping the question yourself. If she rejected you for other reasons, give her space and see if her feelings change in the future. If you're not sure why she rejected you, ask her friend.Thanks!
QuestionMy crush asked me out and I said no, but now I really like him and want him to know. What do I do?Matthew HesterCommunity AnswerIf you think your crush still has feelings for you, ask him out directly. If you're not sure, try flirting with him to see if he responds positively to your signals.Thanks!
QuestionIs it right to ask for a date on the first sight?Matthew HesterCommunity AnswerEven if you believe in love at first sight, asking someone out before you know who they are will most likely lead to disappointment. Instead, introduce yourself to the person and get to know them first. Once you both know a bit about each other, consider asking for a date.Thanks!
If you asked a girl out and got rejected, first give yourself time to process any sadness or anger you might be feeling. It might also help to talk about these feelings with a supportive friend. Then, spend lots of quality time with your friends and family, and try going to social events that you normally wouldn’t to meet new people. You should also try to keep yourself busy by picking up a new hobby or learning a new skill you’ve always been interested in.
Sources and Citations
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