Do you have a married life after treason
According to statistics, the number of divorces in Russia has significantly decreased in the last two years. According to Rosstat, in 2014, 693 thousand 700 marriages broke up, and in 2015 - “only” 611 thousand 600 marriages. And everything is good, but the fact is that we have become less likely to enter into legal marriage. So, in 2015, officially issued their union 1 160 000 pairs. 100 thousand less than in 2014. Hence the positive statistics. In fact, our country continues to be the country with the largest percentage of marital infidelities and divorces.
If we study the studies on marital infidelity in recent years, we can conclude that about 65% of men at least once, but cheated on their wives. And this figure has remained stable for several years now. But the number of unfaithful wives in recent years has increased from 20% to 45%. Psychologists explain this by the advent of social networks in our lives.
Thanks to the Internet, even "abandoned and deprived" of the attention of the husband, mothers in the decree are increasingly getting to know the men on the web, and often this results in a novel on the side
Interestingly, only 8% of men marry mistresses. And only 11% of mistresses are single women. Basically it is also other people's wives. It is interesting to look at the attitude of Russians to adultery. In our country, treason against a husband or wife is not perceived as an “immoral act” (as, for example, in Australia, there is the lowest divorce rate in the world), but as a “crisis of family relations”, “just drunk”, “this does not count” , "Revenge of a spouse", "I wanted diversity" or "the devil pulled me". And one more amusing fact: 70% of all betrayals occur on Thursday. So say sex therapists. But to explain the cause of this phenomenon can not yet.
So how to protect your family from adultery? Unfortunately, no way. Family psychologists advise women to always be prepared for the betrayal of her husband. Not to wait for her, but to be ready to take a punch. This means that in no case can you focus on the man and turn into his mommy, spoon-feed, stick around the plate for days, wash the socks by hand, etc. You need to take care of yourself. To develop, to get an education, to look good, to secure financial independence for oneself, so that if something happens, do not remain at the bottom of the trough. It must be understood that none of us is immune from the betrayal of a loved one.
What to do if you find out about her husband's infidelity? The first eight hours - nothing. That's what psychologists say. Leave home all day and do not answer calls. Cool down. And then decide whether to forgive the traitor and save the family for the sake of children and loved ones. The following advice is given by a psychologist Natalya Tolstaya to women who have fallen into such a difficult situation: “To the question whether it is worth keeping the family after treason, there is no definite answer. Each situation is unique. If this happened in his “drunken” times - it is not so much a betrayal as irresponsibility and disrespect for family, marriage, and even yourself. How this will affect your future relationship is a matter that needs mutual discussion, which cannot be resolved in a hurry and rashly. If a man asks to forgive and let him go to another woman, this is a conscious act, and his wife should be able to let him be happy without her (besides, the probability that he will return is 92%, because, according to statistics from experts in different languages, only 8% “Fallen out of the nest” husbands are combined in the registry office with mistresses).
The realization that you are not the only woman in your husband's life is always accompanied by a cry from the heart, resentment, annoyance and shock from the fact that the sails carry him to another house.Almost instantly, anger and a desire for revenge for treachery include the “witch regime” in his wife, and this aggravates the already tense atmosphere in the house that prevailed at the beginning of the relationship. Dealing with this alone is extremely difficult, and the help of a specialist or women with a happy family will be justified. It is necessary to create a feeling of comfort in the house and make it clear to the child that the absence of the father is not the end of the world. The answer to the question “Is this the person with whom I want to grow old?” Is the key. If he is positive, then you need to fight not with a man or his mistress, but with the reason why he does not want to go home.
Do you have to look at yourself, maybe your body and soul require dry cleaning and a personal trainer? Do everything that depends on you in terms of self-improvement, do not stroke psychologically for a bad attitude towards you, but clean thunder and lightning over the joint area of residence. It is very successful to include a reasonable egoism and to transfer the focus of attention to yourself and children. If a woman cannot or does not want to put up with betrayal, then she can change the wind in one second - turn on her heels and go the other way. ”
If you decide to forgive a repentant traitor and save your family, will you be able to live as before? Can you trust him again? Can you not cut and remember at every quarrel an old campaign to the left? It’s not for nothing that they say that a broken cup cannot be glued together ...
I will share my experience ... I got married at 19 years old. Of course, a lot of love. The first year of our relationship, we lived in different cities. But we knew for sure that after some time we would get married. One day, by mistake, he sent me a wrong text message. So I found out that my future husband is having an affair with his schoolteacher, who is 11 years older than him. Which has a family and two children. To say that the earth has left me from under my feet is to say nothing. And the worst thing for me was not that he deceived me, but the fact that he lacked the impudence to go to someone else's family, into someone else's house, while that woman's husband was at work, and the children were with my grandmother. Agree disgusting. He cried and swore that he would commit suicide if I did not forgive him. He was afraid that he would never do that again. I set the condition: “Tell your family about it. Let them know ”(his grandmother also worked as a teacher in the same school). He said. And I married him.We got married. And I still think he loved me. But in our marriage there was not a day when I did not mentally return to his betrayal. It all ate me up from the inside. He betrayed me the second time. So my first marriage broke up.
Seven years passed, and I understood one thing for myself: "People do not change. Changing environment, position in society, interests, but the essence of human remains the same. And if you were betrayed once, sooner or later it will happen again. ”
There is an opinion that treason, on the contrary, can strengthen a family. I also came across such a rake. It seemed to me that after all that had happened, my husband would never do that to me again. All his life will torment the feeling of guilt. But all this, as it turned out, is nonsense.
I am for a family, for forgiveness, for “one marriage for life”, but when we decide whether to save the family or not, forgive or not, we take responsibility for our own happiness, for our nerves, for our health. Will it be easier for children if their mother suffers from a joint life with an unfaithful husband? Hardly.
Therefore, before you go to the registry office with someone, think many times ... It’s very difficult to live as before after a divorce. Nothing passes without a trace. Scars remain.Experience takes expensive. Let's be loyal, love and appreciate those who are close!